Christmas always brings a flood of emotions every year as I try to navigate all the changes of my Christmases past to my Christmas present. For so many years I had my whole family beside me each Christmas, but time has changed all that now. Many of my loved ones celebrate the birth of our Lord from heaven’s perspective as I try to continue on each holiday season without them. Though I have always loved Christmas, it is now bittersweet for me and I find myself looking back wishing I could have one more Christmas from my past.
When I was a little girl growing up on our farm at Pierce, I can remember waiting on my grandparents, Ray and Eloise Belyeu, who always came over Christmas morning so we could unwrap all our Christmas presents. All three of us kids would start calling them early Christmas morning, begging them to hurry and drive the three miles that separated us. As a child it seemed like it took forever for them to mosey their way to our home. I’m quite positive that they were smiling and singing Jingle Bells – “Dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, over the hills we go, laughing all the way.”
Of course we weren’t laughing; we were serious. Christmas presents were waiting!
Yet even while I waited, I remember how my two older brothers, Philip and Greg, would rub their feet across our shag carpet to build up the static electricity just so they could reach out and zap you. I swear those silver icicles would also come to life as they stretched out to pop you as well.
As a child though, nothing could take away the magic that Christmas brought. It wasn’t that we had lots of gifts under the tree or a lot of money to spend each Christmas. In fact, just days prior to Christmas, my grandpa Ray would take us grandkids to town and would give each of us $20 to spend on everyone. Can you imagine only spending $20 today? But $20 back then when I was 6-years-old seemed like $100. Of course, we bought little things like socks, gloves, house slippers, scarves or candy for everyone. However, it was really more about the excitement of going shopping with my grandpa who shared birthday parties with me for 21 years with both of our birthdays being right after Christmas (Dec. 27 and Dec. 30). I even remember buying him one of those huge, round peppermint sticks that were about a foot long and three inches around. Though he knew all our gifts he would still open his gifts and always act surprised with a chuckle under his breath as his eyes twinkled. Thinking back, maybe my grandpa was St. Nick in disguise and we just didn’t know it. But I loved him dearly and will always remember he loved Christmas just as much as I did.
My daddy, Gerald, didn’t fall far from that ol’ apple tree either. In fact, being an only child made him appreciate family all the more. This is why at Christmastime we would travel each year to Silver Dollar City in Branson to go see all the beautiful lights, drink hot chocolate and watch the huge musical tree play “Carol of the Bells.” Everyone in my family sang (often as a quintet) and we all played a musical instrument because of my daddy’s love for music. So we would go to all the shows, sing along to all Christmas songs being played and enjoy the sounds of the holidays for hours.
After my brothers and I grew up and had children of our own, we still did our best to carry on some of those same family traditions, like going to Branson and always getting together on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I can remember the excitement of Christmas Day for them too. I remember watching their eyes light up as they opened up their gifts of games, toys, clothes and more. One of my fondest memories was when my daughter, Felicia, got her first, little Barbie Jeep. She drove it all day over our farm, running over limbs and bumping into the dogs, until the battery went dead. Then we had to charge it up so she could do it all over again. I laugh now because I’m not sure that her driving skills have improved much over the years, but she definitely has given us many moments to remember.
I also remember my son’s excitement of getting his first little four-wheeler and kid-sized real golf clubs. Oh, the memories all these gifts made, to include a trip to the emergency room because Chris got clubbed in the eye by his friend! Though we might not have those clubs anymore, the good news is they are still the best of friends even today and both still like to golf. (Tee hee – pun intended) However, some of my most memorable Christmases have also been some of my hardest Christmases. My last two Christmases with my daddy were in hospitals as he lost one leg at a time to diabetes. I didn’t feel much like shopping then but with only one week away from Christmas I reluctantly tried to shop for everyone at a Walgreen’s store in OKC. Though I was devastated with the reality my daddy was suffering and was a little mad at God too, He showed up and drew my attention to a little plastic Christmas tree that flashed its lights to the music and guess what song it played -“Carol of the Bells.” Right then and there I realized just how much God loved us and hadn’t forgotten us. He was still right there walking with us through the sorrow and letting us know that Jesus was still the real gift that He had given us all.
As I decorated that hospital room that year I thanked God for reminding me of His Greatest Gift. Then I pushed the button on the little tree and said, “Look daddy, it even plays our favorite song.” That Christmas we didn’t get much for Christmas, but we had all that we would ever need – we had love and it was tangible in that hospital room.
Three years later my entire extended family shared one last Christmas with my grandmother and oh what a wonderful time we had singing and enjoying each other’s company more than just focusing on gifts we didn’t need. Though we have never all been together since that last Christmas with my grandmother, I still try to enjoy the season and make memories with my own children that hopefully they will remember when I’m gone.
Yes, I still love the lights on the tree, the decorations around the house, and the joy Christmas brings to children of all ages but I’ve learned that having the presence of family is still one of the best gifts we could have on Christmas Day and the gift of knowing Jesus personally is the biggest blessing of all.
Though Christmases past are bittersweet it makes me cherish our present Christmas. So this Christmas may we all reflect upon the blessings we have now and the blessings we have had over a lifetime of Christmases. These are the Christmas moments and memories that we will carry forever in our hearts.
