When I heard that a local deputy, Thomas “Walker” Lemay had been killed in the line of duty my heart went out to his family, but my blood went cold when I found out he died answering a domestic violence call and he was only 30 years old, the same age as my son and a nephew of a friend in Checotah.

Immediately it brought back memories of hearing my niece, Rachel Stewart, had been shot and killed in Checotah and that her boyfriend had taken his own life as well. As a family we are just now approaching the one year anniversary of her death and I still can’t get a grip of not hearing her voice when I walk into her house. Her mother and aunt and brothers still have gaping holes in their hearts that time will not erase.

Death often defines us in such a way that is hard to not feel the loss over and over again. It comes in waves. The grief seems unbearable at times. Like you are floundering in the water, trying to catch your breath. Other times it feels like you are sinking and no one sees that you are silently drowning. You don’t even try to fight it because it’s comforting in a weird way knowing that you will finally have peace. Then you shake yourself and fight to come up for another breath because you know you can’t give into the grief and let death take everything. You cry. You scream. You ask why a million times? But there is no right answer. There’s only a sickening silence where the laughter of your loved one used to be.

This is why domestic violence still boils my blood and then drains the life from me at the same time. This is why I will always be a voice crying out for justice against its brutality. Each year I feel compelled to do a Domestic Violence Awareness Walk because I know what it’s like to go through that darkness. I’ve been the mom and aunt flying down the road to get to my daughter and my niece. Both scenarios were with different outcomes, but both just as heartbreaking. For one, my daughter will always look over her shoulder for the rest of her life. For another, my niece, she will never get to watch her baby boy grow up.

This kind of heartache and grief I pray no one else has to ever go through or walk in my shoes. Yet it feels like every day another family has to say goodbye because of the senselessness of domestic violence.

Domestic Violence doesn’t care if you’re young or old, rich or poor, popular or not. It just wants to rear its ugly head, inflict as much pain as possible, and leave families devastated.

I think of Selby Minner often and how much light she brought to this world, yet domestic violence also took her away and left a community heartbroken as well.

This is why we have to keep vigil and guard our loved ones with every ounce of our being. Because I believe every single person on this planet is affected by domestic violence in some way. Everyone knows someone who has lost a loved one. Everyone knows someone who is struggling in a relationship. Everyone knows an officer who will have to go out on that call or make that call to a loved one that they don’t ever want to make.

I will never forget the words of our Chief of Police when he told me “She’s not going anywhere.” My heart sank as reality was reeled in and there was nothing I could do for her now.

This is why I beg you to watch for signs of domestic violence around you. Be mindful of how someone speaks to your daughter or granddaughter. Get involved while you still can make a difference and have a different outcome.

Death is hard, but death by domestic violence is so much harder. But maybe, just maybe you can save another life from that dreadful fate and another family from this gut-wrenching reality.

If you or someone you know is dealing with domestic violence please don’t hesitate to call 1-800799-SAFE (7233).